Chuck Norris Wine Facts

This one is dedicated to my husband.

Since I can't partake in wine right now, thanks to Baby #2's incubation period, I can only dream about it. I came across this list of Chuck Norris Wine Facts today, and knew my hubby (and likely many of you readers out there) would enjoy:

1. Norris don’t trellis. He drags two men in the vineyard by the hair. One is Scott, the other Henry. The vines have been told.
2. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bucket of Nebbiolo grapes and shat out a beautifully aged Barolo.
3. Chuck Norris loves American oak…and so do you unless you want Chuck Norris to punch a hole through your chest.
4. Chuck Norris has a little winemaker in him. Not because he knows anything about wine, but because he ate Piero Antinori.
5. Chuck Norris’s tears scored 200 points with Wine Enthusiast. Too bad he never cries.
6. Some wines have flavors of earth. Chuck Norris’ wines have flavors of universe.
7. James Laube rates Chuck Norris Cab 88 points blind. 100 points nonblind.
8. Trader Joes is test marketing “Two Buck Chuck Norris” – they are certain it will annihilate the competition.
9. Chuck Norris once consumed a whole case of wine in one sitting. Without opening it.
10. Robert Parker may remember every wine he’s tasted. But, Chuck Norris remembers every wine he hasn’t.
11. Chuck Norris doesn’t let red wine make a move, let alone breathe.
12. Chuck Norris drinks grape juice…..but pees Madeira.
13. Chuck Norris joined Foursquare and is now the Mayor of everything and everywhere. Game over.
14. Chuck Norris’ beard displays aromas of crushed lilacs, chocolate-dipped raspberries and justice.
15. Wine does not stain Chuck Norris’ teeth, out of respect.
16. Chuck Norris does not get drunk from wine. The wine gets drunk from Chuck Norris.
17. Asked if he preferred the old world or new world Chuck Norris was confused, and murdered that man.
18. Chuck Norris once rated a wine a 98. It was later determined that the bottle contained the blood of his enemies children.
19. Chuck Norris once guzzled a double magnum and impregnated 53 women that later gave birth to the 1985 Chicago Bears.

Anybody have a #20?